"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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