you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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