so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
