Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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