so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
