one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
