your thong is hanging out like whoa
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
