So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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