Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sarcasm needs its own font
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
