the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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