This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
