I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
