Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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