my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
