loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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