apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
