the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
