You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
