I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
