i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
