Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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