Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
