Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
