Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
