so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
