Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
