Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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