Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
