I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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