If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
