did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
