Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
