So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
