I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
