We won't sleep together?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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