isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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