you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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