babies were throwing up all over the place
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
