can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
