walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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