Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
