you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize