somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
