Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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