Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
