Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
