Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
