we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
