I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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