I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
