she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
