I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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