I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
