One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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