Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
