Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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