In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
