Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize