I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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