Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
