if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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