I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
