Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize