don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
