I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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