I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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