You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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