I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
