who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize