your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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