I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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