Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
