May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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