Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
