Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
