Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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