just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
