I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
