you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
