My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
