Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
