I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
