he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
