imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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