Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
