You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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