Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
...so i touched it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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