You smell like stripper and shame
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
