Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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