This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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