Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
