I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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