so let's talk penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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