I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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