Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
