her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
