my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize