Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize