i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
