So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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