bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
