i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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