I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
