windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
