The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
