theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
