the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
