haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize