I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
