I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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