saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
