Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
