And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
