her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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