watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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