Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize