I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
