I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
